Felicity Everest Unscripted: The Balancing Act of AuDHD

Diagnosed with ADHD at 46 and autism at 47, Felicity Everest finally found the missing piece of the puzzle that explained a lifetime of anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. Now embracing “progress over perfection,” Felicity is passing her hard-won knowledge to her children, ensuring they have the understanding and support she spent years searching for. This is Felicity’s story.

I was officially diagnosed with ADHD at 46yo, then an additional diagnosis of autism (level 1) at 47, it’s very common to have both, a comorbid condition, or the preferred term I recently heard ‘Double the Spice!’.

It was the missing piece of the puzzle that would finally give some hope to understand the mental battle I’d been experiencing since childhood and ease the vicious cycle of emotional and physical burnout, becoming frequent and unmanageable, having more and more of a negative impact to every aspect of my life, work and relationships. Something had to change.

As a kid I was extremely shy and sensitive and always felt different and “abnormal”. On the other hand, I was also cute, happy and loved, coming from a wonderful family and upbringing on the beautiful northern beaches of Sydney.

So why did I feel this way, it felt shameful and confusing.

I vividly remember my first anxiety attack in primary school but unable to communicate, or make sense of it myself, much easier to keep quiet by unintentionally masking and trying to blend-in.

As an adult, prior to diagnosis, juggling work demands, marriage, two children, building a house and moving interstate simultaneously, the masking techniques I relied on, were no longer working and everything started to unravel.

Having zero clue what boundaries were, instinctively saying yes to everything, I found myself aimlessly running around like a headless chicken. The overthinking, people pleasing and perfectionism had taken control, resulting in a constant state of overwhelm and frustration.

I was trying so hard but never achieving the outcome I wanted, always feeling left behind. Following the birth of my first beautiful baby I was diagnosed with PND, Anxiety and depression for the next 10 years, however this seemed like a band aid solution, never dealing with the source, and I needed answers.

Correct diagnosis, although a roller coaster, requiring a lot of executive functioning skills, that ADHDer’s usually lack, was such an important and validating step in the healing process and I’m so glad I persevered.

It’s also when the hard work begins. It’s vital to learn what ADHD and auADHD actually is and how it presents, specifically in you, as there are many different forms that affect everybody in different ways.

About 6 months ago, I thought I had it sussed, but it became very clear that it’s a constant balancing act of medication, education, along with self awareness, curiosity and connection. They all need to work together to adapt your work and social environments around your needs on an ongoing basis.

What I’ve found the most beneficial are the CBT, DBT courses and support groups I voluntarily enroll myself in, that not only provide me with valuable resources and tools to function in a neurotypical world but also the opportunity to relate and share with others on a similar road.

I’m still a ‘Work In Progress’ and always will be, the difference is I have the ‘progress over perfection’ mentality, prioritizing my own values (and rest, a lot more rest) to be my authentic self.

The most rewarding outcome is being able to pass this knowledge on to my children so they are able to put these skills into practice on a daily basis and access any support they need. It’s involved a lot of difficult and painful decisions along the way, but without their compassion and resilience would not have been possible.