Behind Lexy Staniland’s First-Class Honours and PhD scholarship was a relentless inner critic driving her forward with harsh self-talk. Her ADHD diagnosis five years ago began a journey from self-criticism to self-acceptance, now fueling her work transforming youth mental health services. This is Lexy’s story.
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I get out of bed?
Why can’t I finish anything?
Why do I always forget important dates and deadlines?
Why am I always late?
Why do I lose everything?
Why can’t I keep friends?
Why am I so emotional?
Why can’t I socialize without alcohol?
Why can’t I feed myself properly?
Am I broken?
Questions like these have plagued my mind for as long as I can remember. Questions with only one answer: “because you’re useless, lazy, pathetic.”
The antidote to these questions and beliefs about myself was a toxic cocktail of perfectionism, procrastination, and anxiety. Try harder. Do more. Stop being lazy. Get over yourself.
On the surface, this pattern of self-talk enabled me to function, succeed even. I completed my undergraduate psychology degree with First-Class Honours and won a scholarship to complete my PhD, all while working full-time.
Objectively, I wasn’t lazy; I was trying hard and doing a lot. But I was motivated by the cattle-prod that was my self-talk. I drank to cope. I was stressed, depressed, and anxious. And the very voice that allowed me to achieve was the one that tore my mental health to shreds.
I didn’t know I had ADHD. I didn’t know that the answer to all those questions wasn’t about me at all; it was about a neurodivergence invisible to me and everyone around me. Afterall, ADHDers don’t do well academically, right?
In 2020, I downloaded TikTok and among the plethora of amusing content, the algorithm fed me videos by people with ADHD. It’s a trope, I know, but these videos were like a mirror. Suddenly, everything started making sense; all those questions had an alternative answer. Day by day I felt the warmth of recognition blossom into a hope: maybe I’m not broken.
After my diagnosis, a new voice emerged: “You’re just making this up”; “This is just an excuse”; “You’ve made yourself worse just to get diagnosed”.
It’s been five years since I discovered I have ADHD and I’m still fighting the battle with my inner interrogator. But slowly, I am winning.
My lived experience is central to my work. It enabled me to recognize that a disproportionate number of young people with mental health concerns also have ADHD and that traditional mental health services are failing to meet their needs.
It allows me to understand, validate, and connect with young people who have ADHD and mental health concerns. It has afforded me the opportunity to make a real difference.
I still find it difficult to get up in the morning and finish things. I still forget dates and deadlines, lose and misplace my belongings. I still struggle with time-blindness and emotion regulation.
But I know now that I’m not broken. And by working to transform mental health services for young people with ADHD, my mission is to help as many other ADHDers as I can to see that they’re not broken either.
- Lexy
